Day 13 - Loud And Proud?
Today I want to thank my voice - the channel through which I am speaking my truth to you, the world and the universe.
Finding it has been an interesting journey, because for years, it was not truly my voice. There were many layers that veiled my truth. Fear, in many aspects, and the influence of powerful personalities in my life being the two main ones.
In order for me to find my true voice, and speak it unapologetically, which, to be quite frank, I'm still learning, many layers of the therapeutic onion had to be peeled back. My first breakthrough from the depression came in a counselling session, where I was able to realise the freedom of 'Just Being' and to get out of my head every so often. At the time, many unhelpful core beliefs were living there, some of which I had subconsciously created by listening to other people. I distinctly remember someone at school telling me that I smelled, and from then on being obsessed with putting on deodorant. That's just one example, but I think you get the gist. Put downs, effectively. Leading with my head was making me unhappy, but as I started to let go of having to analyse every little thing that happened, and believe people when they said negative things about me, a crack appeared in my reality. I now understood that I don't have to agree with everyone, I need to decide how I MYSELF feel about........myself! So I spent the next 10 years or so finding out. I started to write my own story about myself, my truth. No-one else's. Don't get me wrong, this was a particularly tough part of the journey, as we all have to contend with societal pressures of being seen to be modest and humble. Well, that's how it felt in those days - now that the world of personal development and entrepreneurialism are far more prominent, it feels like they've at least done us that favour - it's OK to put your hand up and say, "Yes, that's me - I did that.". There's bound to be judgement from some direction, but my feeling is that it seems to be more acceptable. There are ways of blowing your own trumpet, of course.
I am so grateful for my journey, and I am still peeling back the layers of my inner world onion. I am also grateful that my inner world is so much healthier these days. I have core beliefs such as, "I am an authentic writer" and "I have a lot to give to the world". For all this I would like to extend thanks and respect to those who have helped me climb this mountain, with compassion and clarity.
I ask you to think about your voice now - does it speak your truth? Does it come from a place of self-love?
Have a great day.